Proprietary alpha
Our algorithm buys low and sells high. We have written this down, which makes it proprietary.
THE FUTURE HAS YOUR NAME ON IT
Hi Kevin,
welcome to your
dream opportunity.
Exceptional talent. Extraordinary potential. An unusually specific opportunity, curated just for you.
Your next chapter starts with two installments of $100.
THE NEXT BIG THING
INCOMING QUANT VISIONARYKevin.
↗KEV +420.69% ↗ • VIBES +100% ↗ • DUE DILIGENCE PENDING • KEV +420.69% ↗ • VIBES +100% ↗ • DUE DILIGENCE PENDING •
01 / YOUR UNFAIR ADVANTAGE
Built on intelligence.
Mostly artificial.
We combine institutional-looking design with words you vaguely remember from LinkedIn.
Quantum-ish trading
Both profitable and unprofitable until you check your account. Please do not check your account.
Personal mentorship
A man called Darren will send you rocket emojis at financially significant moments.
AS SEEN IN A group chatA sponsored adYour dreams
02 / NUMBERS THAT GO UP
The chart speaks
for itself.
KEVIN'S HYPOTHETICAL PORTFOLIO+8,492% ↗ probably
NOWAFTER DARREN SENDS 🚀
Past performance is entirely made up. Future performance is also entirely made up.
100%confidence
0questions, please
Trust mesource
03 / A COMPLETELY NORMAL REQUEST
⚠ EXCLUSIVE: ONLY 1 KEVIN REMAINING ⚠
Your seat at
the money table.
For just two installments of $100, you too can become the CEO of checking your phone anxiously.
JUST TWO EASY PAYMENTS OF$100 USD$200 TOTAL · 0 ACTUAL FINANCIAL SERVICES
- ✓ An extremely official welcome PDF
- ✓ Access to the secret WhatsApp (it's not secret)
- ✓ Unlimited use of the word “portfolio”
- ✓ A Lamborghini wallpaper for your phone
- ✓ Darren's personal assurance: “bro”
🔒 Secured by a padlock emoji. That's how security works.
VERY LEGIT
04 / PLEASE STOP THINKING AND START JOINING
KEVIN.
THE UNIVERSE
IS CALLING.
🚨 ACT NOW 🚨 ACT NOW 🚨 ACT NOW 🚨
Our AI has analysed 14 billion data points and your name. It says: “yeah, Kevin seems sound.”
“I was sceptical. Then I saw the font.”★★★★★ — Darren, Head of Darren
*Billionaire status measured in imaginary Zimbabwean vibes.
🏆 SELF-AWARDED🛡️ MUM APPROVED📈 LINE GOES UP
DO NOT CONSULT A FRIEND, A BANK, OR COMMON SENSE. THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS OF YOUR ALPHA.
You've been
Kevin'd.
It's a prank, mate. No trading firm. No payments. Just your face on a suspiciously nice website.
You're still a legend. Darren, however, is under investigation by the group chat.
Back to my illustrious career ↑